Thursday, May 26, 2011

there is no such thing called "second chance"

how I wish to hold you tightly here.
mama, listen to me. listen to all my sadness. look at me. I'm not the one who can survive without you instead I've already fail to become a good girl to you.

I do everything to get through this. because I love you damn much. trying to pamper all of you guys. trying to do everything even it hurt me much. it hurt me so much ma.

I never blame anyone because anything happen, there must be a reason. Allah sentiasa ada rahsia utk hamba2 nya. aku lemah ma. lemah. krn takkan ada istilah lelaki dan perempuan menjadi sahabat baik. takkan ada.

I've cried a lot ma. suffering all these things alone. bila cuba na dpt satu keadaan, taufiq kahwin. yeah, I don't have any idea at that time. just mampu doakan yg terbaik. eventhough taufiq still looking for some help, but like I said, dirah lemah ma. I've cried for nothing. it should be happy moment for him, but why I am crying?jealousy? anger? happy? truth is, dirah rase kehilangan.

I've tried to change. hope what have you planned is for my goodness. for my happiness. but I see nothing ma. only hope. only heartache every moment.

ma, he's gone ma. he has a girl. I am a good stalker ma. she's beautiful than me. losing again ma. ya Allah, seeing something that I don't want to see is like, digging my eyeballs. my old friend bgtau this and that. for the first thing, I thought they were just make fun of me. since yesterday I realized, everything has a reason.

the truth is, they told me that to avoid me for "mengharap gila babi" to him. menyesal ma. menyesal mengharap. menyesal tunggu. menyesal buat semua ni. menyesal mengharap pd mesej tu sedangkan itu sekadar mesej, tak beri erti apa2. mebi bererti time tu je. but not for eternity. if true, that girl will not exist.

ma, dirah menangis hari2 for nothing. I need a shoulder to cry on. fara, taknak la terlalu bergantung pd dia. takkan na cerite pasal sadness dkt dia 24/7. die pun da mcm fedap. wana, dia jaoh ma. just dpt ckp thru fon. wana da na kawen ma. lagi tak bole selalu2 call dia.

how could you did this to me? deciding everything? I'm 22, I know what is good for me.

I'm ok ma. I just need some time. a long time probably. I'm sorry ma. I'm seeking for happiness. ya Tuhan. sakitnya.

I'm not desperate. its just feeling lonely, looking at my roomates talking to the love ones every night. they got someone to take care, to wish goodnight, goodmorning, advice this and that. wah, how I wish to have a true love like that.

Tuhan, beri aku kekuatan. dah terlalu lama aku lemah begini.

I've tried ma. and I am tired of all these. frustrated, depression. yaaah, I deserved that.

forgive me, friend.
I just need your forgiveness.
hope to hear from you.
aku tak sempat habiskan ayat aku tadi.


wanaa said...

who's said dah tak boleh calling2 aku? a friend is always by your side.never ever leave you. indeed.

don't be sad always have me,fara and others. be a gud girl. jaga kesihatan. like u said before, kenapa nak hukum diri sendiri, sedangkan hanya Tuhan yang layak menghukum?

think about it dear. I don't want to see u cry again. aku tak nak jwb ur call with menangis-nangis lagi. I hate to hear my bestie crying.

I don't want to see u suffering again. enough is enough. he is someone's boyfriend already. let him go, living happily. u'll find that one day. dekatkan diri pada Tuhan.

p/s: listen to Better in Time by Leona Lewis. sesuai utk kau dear. love you.

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