sleepless again and again. the addiction is killing me. sorry fara, I found my 'barang' just now. its in my pencil case. I can't stop taking it. it is my antidote.
almost 3 am. and I'm still wake up. looking around in this dark room. oucchhh....tomorrow 7am shift. bole mati lah shift pagi mcm ni.n I hate it damn much! seminggu pulak mcm ni.
playing origami sorg2. now in front of me dah ada 7 ninja stars, and ada 6 ekor burung. yeah, paper origami, and I'm addicted to bird origami. tak bole berenti siapkan satu2 origami.
sekejap2 stop smbung to this post. skejap2 smbung baca A Place Called Here by Cecelia Ahern. yup, lately aku byk spend my time with novel. bila terkurung dlm tempat mcm ni, without person to talk to, without someone to spend time with, book is the only thing that may avoid us from thinking of someone. well I guess, by reading I may forget all those things that had changed my entire life now.
tp mostly spend time with bestie la. well, the best medicine is friend la kan. duduk2 sembang2, gelak2 pun dah cukup. tu yg duk berjaga lagi ni, baru abis sembang2 ngn sape lg kn. farah la.
once in a blue moon na dpt phone call. but I don't know why, I'm totally look awkward now with telephone calls. its like, "eh, sape plak yg call ni?". seriously, mcm miracle la kalau ade org call aku. I'm getting ok with the situation, cuma aku more tortured by guys la. aku mmg tak bole mane2 lelaki yg mesej or call for nothing. just like wana's statement : "pangkah lelaki ke ape kau ni?"
no lah. its not pangkah lelaki. how come? one day, I still need them. but in the mean time, I really can't stand guys, just like they did to me last time. its like, I'm not so interested dgn perkara2 cmni. I love free flowing mcm ni. without commitment. cuma kadang2 teringat tu, biasalah.
kalau dulu, kite lose yg ni, kite ade bekap. I mean we have a friend to share with. I mean, kwn berlainan jenis. but when it comes to this kind of situation, I rather to be like this.
minimizing the friend list, choose the right one and started the conversation. aku kurangkan bersosial, aku more to be a 'lone ranger'. I'm not like fara, smile.smile.smile. I do like smile, but my smile is more to serious style. so org tanak tego. senyum bila perlu.
I do like talking and laughing, but aku minimumkan semua tu, so that org tak suka bercakap dgn aku. kenapa perlu hipokrit? sbb aku dah lame berwayang mcm ni. aku dah boring bila jd sorg yg tade identiti.
yelah, dkt sini pd sape aku na berkorban? pd sape aku na susah2 buat itu ini wlpn aku seronok bersusah utk sesorg? aku have fun buat mcm tu sbb puas hati tgk org satisfied. dulu rase hebat sgt bole buat mcm tu, tp skng ade yg lg hebat. wow. tergugat? no lah. he's my friend beb. die happy, aku happy. aku cuma nak tgk budak kecik tu bole masuk ceruk pikap die ke tidak. HAHA. itu la yg wana kata, as a motivation to me. think like a woman, she's to young for me. tak worth aku na sentap. just let them be. no one deserve for anyone, its all fate. something yg Allah dah tentukan.
ok, I'm done with talking rubbish.
the clock tick tock away and skng rasa mual. sick merenung skrin laptop dlm bilik gelap. n reading book depends on cahaya laptop mmg rasa na korek bijik mata. still sleepless.
thanx ibnu for accompanied me. love talking to you even I rase mcm bercakap dgn sampah sarap. hiks. tengs for the stupid jokes but I love them. u know what ibnu, sometimes rasa bersalah jgk, tp pk2 blk, ur wife tak kata ape pun. just like u said, "is it wrong talking with a friend?", kan dear? borak2 je. bkn bercinta pun kan? ni baru kapel dah na jeles2. tak percaya ur partner, jgn have a relationship. wah, na kenekan sape plak kali ni u?hahaha. u jahat kn.
later on, when we meet again, I have a book for you. baru I teringat. sesuai utk lelaki dah kawen mcm u. HAHAHAH. just joking dear. I story mory with fara just now, and it reminds me of the 1936 book. I still keep it. but kat my hometown lah. tak bawak mai.
just like we did last time, changing story book? thanx friend.