hello Penang!

hello diary.

long time tak berblogging. rasa mcm takde ape na cerita.

since everything agak kelam kabut last week, so kami tak agak2 na amik cuti on weekend ni. hmm ekceli cuti public holiday yg masih tersisa. well I guess, we have the right to redeem it.

so, hello penang!

yup, rasa release dpt jln2. dpt luahkan segala perasaan. well, I love travelling damn much. sgt suka pergi jln2. together with my bestie ever, real backpackers. budget motel, n small budget, sponsored by mak apak bank. thanx. HAHA

kami tak takot apa2. yg kami tau, kami na travelling, explore new place with small budget. yeaahh we work on it! berjaya pergi dan balik dgn selamat. who knows, two girls with less experience, travelling n hop on all the way from penang to langkawi. we totally satisfied!

away from all the bullshits work, nonsense people and tasteless food. we reached at georgetown at 5 pm by ferry. keluar dr langkawi jam 1. it took about 1 n half hour on ferry to kuala kedah, and 1 n half hour from k.kedah to butterworth. and another 15 minutes on ferry to georgetown. pheeew!

took a taxi to Friendship's Motel. check in for two nights, and landing time! at night, take about 15 minutes walk to Padang Kota n having some heaven Pasembur. howwaaa....!

early in the morning, learning the rapid penang's schedule. it a free shuttle service. then having lunch at pizza hut Komtar. have a window shopping at perangin mall and moved to batu feringhi. heaven!

nice seaside, best night market! ouh, how syyoookkk our journey. it took about 45 minutes on the bus to batu feringhi. shopping! shopping! shopping!

arrived back at georgetown about 1130 pm and straight away to Padang Kota to having some char kue tiaw. all-time-favourite. and....flat on the bed!

early in the morning, already packed our stuff and moved to Pasar Chowrasta. a market who sold Jeruk! jeruk everywhere. gosh, I'm addicted. buy all those jeruk for our big bro, abg zan and the departments.

back to the hotel and checked out. took a rapid shuttle to the jetty and get the ferry back to butterworth. its on the spot ferry u know! again, on-the-spot bus to k.kedah. and... presenting my bestie, iqa. she and her boyfie pick up us at bus stand and treat us some nasik ayam. thanx afif. such a nice guy. take gud care of Iqa ok dude!

took a ferry back to langkawi at 630 pm. and arrive at langkawi at 830pm. ouhhhh...mabuk laot!! sickk! thnx mat lan for sending us back to hotel. aku tumpang sekaki je puwwnnn...hahaha.

I'm having some nice journey and aku rasa puas takde umat bak kate org kedah. thanx bestie for everything.

ehhh?

hello life.

wah, lame tak berblogging. busy woman sgt semenjak dua menjak ni. I mean, jd operator telefon pun bole.

well, everything's going well since hari tu. down, tp dgn support kwn2 yg tak penah kering gusi dan kerja yg mcm org gila, byk membantu aku move on. sakit?tetap ada. tetap terasa. btw, thanx kimi and fara for being a gud listener.

until one day, "ang duk teriak lagi kan? esok kita p mkn durian. ang jgn duk teriak2 lagi da"

mula2, aku tak berminat. I guess, he's just the same. same like ijon, amer. die bawak aku naek smpai bukit, pagi2 buta cari durian. seronok dpt mkn durian. sincerely die mmg nak ubat luka aku. da tamao tgk aku menangis.

"aku tamau tgk ang teriak lagi naa"

ouh ok, teriak means menangis.

ye, aku admit, mmg seronok. but, this langkawi public-figure-wannabe did not make any changes. mula2, I thought he really can replace bulat's place. a good fren, 29 but boyish. even cm masuk air kepala tingtong and jobless, ouh he's just quit from frangipani. before die benti keja, kami mmg da nmpak close. tp tak la kami keluar p makan2. pas die quit, baru la na betul2 rapat. mula2 keluar, ok je. bole bergurau dgn segala perkara.

but after certain time, he changed. more to something like "feeling2". shit. and I hate it. sorry. dah elok2 kita duk sembang ganas2, takde unsur bercinta sgt! tp takde yg lame. paling lama duk cuba na kawan2 ngn aku, seminggu je tahan. and, die pun tak lama. ouh ok, his name is atan. he's no longer.

aku rasa release bila atan duk buat lawak, ketawa2. enjoy sgt pagi tu dpt gelak2 smbil mkn durian. how I miss you, bulat. a friend like you. bila balik, keadaan tak sama lagi dah. aku get rid atan serta merta. bg aku, aku tak perlukan feeling2 segala bagai utk masa skrg ni. ya Tuhan.

akhirnya memilih jalan terbaik.

Hello Penang!

awaken

2 am. some memories that never faded by time come across my mind. those make me never sleep. I just can't live without you.

naive.

new semester. "ok, I'll pick u at cheras". where ever cheras, I will. don't you ever think why I did that?

"sumpah faz, aku tatau bawak auto", shit. penipu! HAHA. xsampai satu kilometer pun, stop by bus stop. ampeh, aku jugak yg drive. I will.

"kite kat mane ni?"

"cineleisure"

"cmne eja dia?"

eleh, nak check in foursquare la tu.

"melaka kan 2 jam je..."

eleh. but, I will.

"anta aku kat bukit jalil sudah"

aku benci bas. aku benci bas yg bahaya. melaka je pun. raining all the way, tp kau ckp kau takleh bwk auto. I will. just to ensure you're safe. I will.

"nak pegi tgk kelip-kelip"

yeah, its ur birthday. ok. I will.

I gave u a party. a surprise party. and a birthday gift, I mean a gift that I never give to anyone else.

"kete aku rosak faz"

"last aku tnye ni, nak aku tlg tak?"

for me, where ever you are, I will. I never think to go to your place. but because of you, I've been captivated to bring myself to your place. driving alone, but it never stops me. I just want to be the best buddy in ur eyes. I will. always.

"I've got a test tomorrow"

but I really need to see you, coz I miss you. melaka je pun. I will. met u at air keroh's tol, ouh with the kaen pelikat? so sweet.

"char kue tiaw at bandar melaka"

yeah, also got test tomorrow morning. 10 pm still in melaka. shh kept secret so that I can spent just little more time with you. I will.

pantai puteri had witnessed everything. pantai puteri had listened to all my cried. I miss you.

all these memories were mixed up. I just can't tell where it was located. I just want to remember them. all of them. until one day, they were revealed. but u never understand. jealousy had killed us. its all about jealousy.

ya Allah, I can't stop crying. I just want to finish this post and give it to you. just to satisfy me.

now think. why I did all those things if I never loves you? why should I wasting all my time, just to be with you if really don't care. you don't have to tell me. just think. think and write down how much you know about my feelings towards you. I want to see how far you'd understand my situation.

anti-depression

hello 18 June.

its been a month. tak pernah hilang pun sakit tu.

off day since masuk department baru. Front office. front desk. n I hate to death working here. better duk housekeeping, with those trolleys, hujan panas dan heavy2 task. being a front liners are just like beeing shit! for serious.

lately, depress sgt2. maybe perlukan masa berehat kot. kerja sgt tak seronok. sangat2. environment dan sosial life yg semakin menunjukkan respon negatif. yah lah, tu dia puncanya.

last night focusing on result sem lepas. n its breaking my heart. tp aku tau puncanya mengapa result aku jd seteruk itu. menangis pun tak guna. cuma aku kesal kenape jd begitu. menyesal.

hati aku sakit. sakit sesakit sakitnya. aku bg semua utk kau. ape lg tak memadai. aku hanya perlukan kau utk faham. faham, bkn tinggalkan aku. dan spt yg kita selalu katakan, tak semua yg kita harap, kita dpt.

alhamdulillah, wlpn keputusan aku tak indah dipandang, etlis jd pengajaran buat aku. aku bersyukur dgn keputusan ini. dgn apa yg telah ditentukan krn Tuhan bukak mata hati aku utk mula sedar bahawa keadaan ni telah mendatangkan satu musibah. jd dgn penyesalan ni, aku akan bangkit semula. aku nak balas dndam krn buat keputusan exam aku jd begini.

bila aku kata begitu, maka aku akan jadikan ia terjadi.

newlyweds, rizwana hanan & azuan

dearest wana,

Happy Newlyweds *hugs*

rindu kau wana. rindu nak peluk kau.

ntah, benci mcm mana pd kau, marah mcm mana pd kau sebelum ni, dgn perkataan Sorry tu je, dah memadai utk hati aku terima salah silap kau dulu.

selamat diijabkabul dgn, aa yg aku tau nama dia Azuan. tu yg kau anta meset kat aku. kad kawen kau mebi sampai kat bentong. maaf wana, aku nak sgt pegi, tp keadaan tak mengizinkan walaupun kau na belikan tiket flight utk aku. nikah jumaat ptg, dan bersanding hari sabtu. mesti seronok kan.aku dpt rasakan itu.

wlpn kau agak bersedih dgn perkahwinan ini, aku yg tak dpt hadir sbg pengapit. afzal masih dlm tahanan dan julia, satu2 adik perempuan kau berada di abu dhabi bersama suami, tp aku pasti kehadiran sesorg dlm hidup kau mesti memberi sesuatu dlm jiwa kau. sekurang2nya kau tak sendri lagi.

dua tiga hari tak dpt kabar berita dr kau, aku fhm kau bz dgn persiapan itu ini. maklumlah, wedding. bukan birthday party. aku happy utk kau wana. da sampai jodoh kau. alhamdulillah, Tuhan berikan Azuan utk kau. utk jd pembimbing, pelindung kau. aku gembira utk kau wana. aku gembira.

cuma dpt mesej sekejap2 dgn kau, cukup. ptg td dpt borak panjang dgn kau, aku rasa puas wana. aku dpt luahkan semua rasa2 yg aku simpan selama ni. rasa2 yg aku tanggung selama ni. menangis itu identiti aku.

ya, hari ni aku lemah selemah manusia. aku menangis sepanjang hari. tidaklah waktu keja. tp ntah, hati aku tak pernah rasa sesakit begini. wana, thanks for ur advice. thanx for everything dear.

bala dtg bertimpa2. sedih dtg berturut2. kehilangan dtg dan pergi. semua tu menambah beban dlm jiwa aku. mula2 arul. kehadiran ijon, hanya menambah rasa meluat pd lelaki. ah, budak2. mentaliti budak sekolah. dan akhirnya aku memilih utk diam.

cuba memberi ruang pd amer. usia bukan penghalang. jarak 12 tahun tak pernah terasa. namun, persepsi masyarakat pd amer sgt mengecewakan. kenapa kita sama2 manusia mudah menghukum sesama kita? siapa kita menghukum manusia? dan akhirnya, amer juga undur diri.

hilang rasa hormat dan kepercayaan kpd lelaki hanyalah satu persepsi yg merosakkan perasaan2 yg tak sepatutnya ada. ya, dan krn itu aku menyalahkan diri aku.

cukuplah.

btw wana, tahniah syg. semoga bahagia ke akhir hayat. nanti send gambar kat emel. dtg melawat aku kat sini. sungguh wana, aku pegang kata2 nasihat kau wana. syg kau.

Day 16

someone ask me,

"awat tak pakai jam tu, duk simpan dlm poket?"

"susah nak buat keje"

"dah tu bakpe bawak?simpan je kat bilik"

no one knows how does it feels. the question had touched me.

but the truth is, I almost recover. indeed.

I'm looking forward. stronger.

and I hate seeing a girl crying. fucking hate it.

tears? its all shits la ladies.

ok, this sounds interesting.

well, shit topics sometimes can be very so interesting!

4 girls, in a room, looking each other each days. and 4 of them are different from each other.

sebulan aku di bumi mahsuri ni, ada benda yg sgt bodoh buat aku satisfied. u know why?

this is called, SHIT.

tadi, aku blk solat zohor ke kuaters. terkejut tgk sorg rumet yg hot-wannabe melolong nanges sambil pack baju dlm beg. wth? aku tak berani na tnya, ye lah, buat nya slh tnye, mkn penampar sia2.

on fon smbil menangis, well I guess, who else? boyfriend. so, aku decided to ignore her. but before I leave the room, I wish to take good care of herself on her way to back home, Perak. well, aku so-so je dgn die. senang citer, tak berkenan sgt. sbb tu aku tak amik pot.

to get clearer story, cm biase la pmpuan, nak jugak tau citer walaupun dpt sipi2 je kan. blk keje, aku cuba tnye kak fiza merangkap driver die ke jeti kuah tadi. that sis just bgtau, MAYBE she's having a problem with her boy. got that?

menangis smpai blk kampung. angkat cuti smpai seminggu jadah nya? n she told her that, in case she didn't turn back to hotel after 2 weeks, assuming she's quit. whoa. what a decision? she's dumb. totally dumb. for what she's punishing herself, letting go her career because of one sonofabitch? end.

mlm, lepas blk baca Yaasiin kat ballroom hotel, another rumet. all out of sudden, lempar henset and keluarkan perkataan yg paling senang na sebut, "BABI".

huh? I stare at her. common girl. not another girl. yeah, I heard she's talking with kak fiza lagi ok, ouh what a good sista. having a problem with her boyfriend. derhhhh. wathafuck man? common la. wake up! n she's crying like the end of her life.

bila jd mcm ni, aku berfikir smbil senyum. how precious my life now. I'm a working lady, routine is my commitment, books are my partners and cell phone is my reminder. I don't have any other commitment, no guys to think of, no arguments, no hatred, no heartache instead missing my old times.

haa. aku bersyukur aku tak perlu lalui semua2 tu lagi dah. aku happy dgn life aku skng. aku dah tak ingt arul yg sakitkan hati aku smpai aku tinggalkan dia. aku dah tak ingt bulat yg bg kata2 harapan yg akhirnya aku kecewa, dan aku dah tak ingt taufiq yg baru maki2 hamun aku past 5 hours.

aku dah lalui sakit tu sebelum ni. malah lebih sakit dr kalian lalui. jd bila smpai tahap ni, aku dah tak interested with all these shits. nonsense. love? later on kita cerita2 lagi. at this moment, I just want to feel lucky at all because I don't have to waste my tears, time and breathe for someone thats not worth for me.

org senyum kat kita, kita senyum kat org blk. mampuih pi la depa na kata kami perasan ka. I just want to make my life worth. but I admit, at one time, I still need you, guy. man. boy. and all the same type. but I need the right one for me, not the perfect one. there is no perfect man in human being. the right one for me, that can love me like I love him, that can respect me as a women, as I respect him as a leader, and can understand me like I can accept all his weaknesses.

ada ke? nnt2 la pikiaq.

so ladies, let that sonofabitch did this to you. we have our right. we are beautiful. don't show our weakness. they love our weaknesses. just stand still, but plis don't tergedik2 at all. just be cool. n the most important thing, plis la solat. Solat gives you chances to talk to Allah, about patient and sincere.

itulah yg aku lakukan sejak arul pergi sebulan lalu. air mata byk habis for nothing. tp aku yakin, Tuhan itu Maha Mendengar. semuanya aku mengadu pada Dia. penyesalan tak pernah habis. dosa bertimbun. tp aku manusia, aku cuba penuhkan 5 waktu aku. alhamdulillah, kita hnya berusaha. alhamdulillah, aku temukan ketenangan. aku move on. aku senang hati. aku gembira tgk org laen gembira. aku bersyukur Tuhan terima doa2 aku. mungkin juga doa mama n babah dr tanah suci. thanx mama n babah. I know you love me damn much.

girls, be strong. :D

sakitnya.sakitnya.

berulang kali kau menyakiti

berulang kali kau khianati

sakit ini cuba fahami

ku punya hati bukan utk disakiti

ku akui sungguh beratnya tinggalkan mu yg dulu pernah ada

namun harus aku lakukan kerana ku tahu ini yang terbaik

ku harus pergi meninggalkan kamu

yang telah hancurkan aku

sakitnya, sakitnya ouh sakitnya

cintaku lebih besar dari cintanya

mestinya kau sedar itu

bukan dia, bukan dia tapi aku

begitu beratkah ini?

hingga ku harus mengalah

ku harus meninggalkan kamu

kau telah hancurkan aku

sakitnya ouh sakitnya

cintaku lebih besar dari benciku

cukup aku yang rasakan

jangan dia, jangan dia

cukup aku

ya Tuhan, can't stop listening to this song. addiction! menangis siap.

tp kan, tp kan, aku suka ayat "cintaku lebih besar dr cintanya. mestinya kau sedar itu"

wow. I'm torturing myself with this song.

kenape ni...kenape. why ouh why. HAHAHA.

I fedap with all these shits la weh.

ah, die buat lagi.

monday morning. hujan.

ntah kenapa, mcm tanak bukak mata pagi ni.

yg ada cuma satu rasa. rasa ingin tahu.

still Housekeeping Department, but today buat public area. sapu2 lobby, mop2 lantai, cuci toilet2. see, kalau jumpa org2 begini kat hotel2, mesti panggil depa mak cik cleaner kan?

"eh dik, jgn buang kat sini, tu bg kat kakak cleaner tu..", ceit. aku yg muda bergaya ni kau panggil kakak cleaner? hare.

kemas Mentari Restaurant. ya Tuhan, na tercampak keluar jantung ni. task nya mmg kene kemas, mop n bersihkan public area. so Mentari pun kire public area la. panjang lebar doa supaya tak jumpa dgn kau. ya Tuhan, kelam kabut pagi aku hari ni.

tp tak semua pengharapan tu dtg dgn rasa senang hati. aku mula berhalusinasi. saat2 kak hafishah sibuk menerangkan aku area2 yg harus di cuci, aku mula merewang ke angkasa. tiba2. tiba2.

aku tak faham dgn kondisi bdn aku semenjak kebelakangan ni. sungguh aku tak faham. yg aku tau, menangis. muntah lagi. bukan muntah kosong spt gastrik yg biasa aku hadapi. muntah darah. ya Allah, dugaan apa lagi.

kepala mula berpusing2. segala dpn mata menjadi double vision. sejuk. dan kak hafishah merayu supaya aku pulang ke ofis. smpai di ofis, kak zah plak laju2 suruh aku balik saja ke kuaters. takde gunanya buat kerja lagi. kang pengsan, mampus menjawab dgn pihak universiti. katanya kak zah.

aku blk ke kuaters. hanya ada fara nadia yg masuk shift ptg, teman aku. cukup sekadar bertanya dan memberi sedikit nasihat. timekasih fara krn tak pernah tinggalkan aku, dan jgnlah tinggalkan aku. kalau kau pergi, aku tade sape2 lagi dah. fara nadia berlalu, dan air mata mula mengisi ruang2 mata.

how I missed someone to ask me,

"how are you dear?"

"sehat?sakit?"

"I miss you dear"

"sakit? makan ubat, jgn tido lewat n bla bla bla"

how I missed all those questions. how I missed to talk to someone that make me feel loved.

tup! jam menunjukkan 130 tgh hari. ah, aku mesti kuat. aku yg pilih utk hidup begini. aku gagahkan diri, bangun dan pergi ke ofis semula. ketawa tak boleh, ckp byk tak boleh. bila ketawa, aku rasa spt sesuatu menegang di dalam perut. ya Tuhan, sakitnya.

sementara menunggu jam 3, aku hnya duduk di laundry. tak daya lagi dah na bangun dan berjalan. tekup muka, hampir terlena.

eh, darah di lengan baju. cepat2 aku pegi sinki dan cuci. lencun lengan baju.

jam menunjukkan 3 ptg. punch out. kdg2 aku berfikir, sakit apekah ini. nak kate gastrik, takkan sampai berdarah2 begini. ari tu dah jadi muntah2 darah begini tp dah ok. bkn aku tak makan, cuma aku sgt meloya tgk makanan. aku langsung tak bole tgk makanan skng. semuanya buat aku meloya na muntah. mcm menggelikan. mlm td aku mkn pun sbb aku dah lapar sgt.

so bile aku tak mkn, org masih kate aku frustrated dgn cerita lame. smpai bila na menghukum diri. tak.tak. aku dah lupakan semua tu. yg aku tau skng, aku cuma teruskan hidup. aku yg tak lalu tgk makanan. aku pun tafaham.

well, salunya aku bgtau mama, aku tak sehat. ma...cepatlah balik. dpt ckp telefon ngn mama n babah smlm cukup buat aku rasa senang hati. but takkan aku na bgtau mnde2 tak syok sedangkan dorg sedang sgt gembira berada di bumi Makkah.

ah, sepinya bila begini.

you don't have to be so nice

ah, shift ptg. baek bawak buku. mane tau jd mati kutu mcm hari tu. etlis ada something gak na di buat dr duduk melangok je.

sepi.

dpt bercakap dgn laut hari tu, rasa puas hati. jln kaki dr hotel ke cenang. tp tak rasa penat sbb ada kwn teman. ade org na cakap2. die nmpak air mata tak pnah kering dr kelopak mata ni. sbb tu dia ajak jalan2. release tension katanya. tp tak semua kite mampu luahkan. ade sesetengah perkara tak terluah dgn kata2 sbb kita tak percaya pd org sekeliling lagi.

he's 20. bad but nice boy. budak2, mentaliti budak2. layan je. ape die ckp, kite dgr. jgn bantah. sbb di usia ni, hanya memberontak yg die tau. die syg makwe die, katenye. HAHA lucu.

wlpn mat jon cube buat aku gelak, aku hargai usaha kau mat jon. bkn senang dan kau tak kenal aku. wlpn beza cuma 2 tahun. tetapi aku cukup serik berkawan dgn lelaki. wlpn berkawan! jd jgn bantah.

aku benci lelaki. sorry la mat jon, aku kwn dgn kau sbb aku bosan duk kat ostel memandangkan fara pun da berjaya setapak ke hadapan. jd aku tak byk masa dgn fara lagi dah. but still kami manage utk lepak lua bilik smpai ade org tu masuk keje lambat lah pagi ni. resort abah die katenye.HAHAHA.

aku memandang lelaki dr sudut negatif. nak2 bila isu rampas suami org ni terbangkit. semakin membuak2 rasa benci ni. Ya Allah, sekecewa aku ni, aku tak desperate lagi. kau accuse aku na amik bulat dr amirah, kau accuse aku tinggalkan arul tanpa tnya kenapa aku buat begitu, n skrg kau accuse aku nak ambil suami kau. subhanallah. aku masih waras. bkn jenis aku ambil hak org.

mcm jalang sgt je nak ambil hak org. zulaikha, I knw u read this. fyi, aku cukup selesa dgn hidup aku skng. tanpa komitmen. yg ada hnya rindu pd keluarga dan komitmen kerja. tade masa aku na fikir semua2 ni. aku faham perasaan kau. jd, berbicaralah dgn aku. aku mendengar, aku memahami tp aku tak bole beri keputusan. jgn gunakan aku sbg alasan utk kau menang perkara ni. aku tak pernah masuk campur hal perkahwinan kau.

Tuhan Maha Mengetahui zulaikha. ceritakan pd Dia. Tuhan punya rahsia, zulaikha. mohon bantuan-Nya. bkn menjatuhkan sesama manusia. aku fhm keadaan kau. cuba zulaikha, cuba.

Ya Tuhan, tak berhenti dugaan utk ku. kenapa? aku dah penat menangis.

CD rosak

alarm berbunyi.

pagipagi celik mata, tengok phone.

ah lupa, kau takkan msg aku lagi sejak kejadian tu

takpela, tgk jam, tgk tarikh. ouh dah hampir 3 bulan berlalu.

bangun dr katil pegi bilik air. gosok gigi. mandi.

siapsiap nak pergi kerja.

breakfast? tak payah lagi lah. tp perut kosong.

ah, kosong lagi jiwa ni.

punch card. eh, awal lagi.

masuk pintu ofis.

nganga.

sejam kemudian baru bergerak.

mentari atas kepala, tapi tolak jugak troli tu.

tgh hari kawan msg ajak pegi lunch.

tapi tak lunch. tak berselera.

sambung kerja lepas berbicara bahasa Tuhan sekejap.

tgk phone, ah takde jugak msg kau.

takpe, purapura tgk jam.

lambatnya jam 5.

punch out. sharp jam 5.

balik dapatkan katil.

tgk phone, ah takde msg kau.

takpe, purapura dgr lagu.

kosongnya perut.

tertido dgn perut lapar.

alarm berbunyi.

pagipagi celik mata, tengok phone.

ah lupa, kau takkan msg aku lagi sejak kejadian tu

takpela, tgk jam, tgk tarikh. ouh shift ptg lah hari ni.

bangun dr katil pegi bilik air. gosok gigi. mandi.

siapsiap nak pergi kerja.

lunch? tak payah lagi lah. tp perut kosong.

ah, kosong lagi jiwa ni.

punch card. eh, awal lagi.

masuk pintu ofis.

nganga.

sejam kemudian baru bergerak.

mentari atas kepala, tapi tolak jugak troli tu.

petang kawan msg ajak pegi dinner.

tapi tak dinner. tak berselera.

sambung kerja lepas berbicara bahasa Tuhan sekejap.

tgk phone, ah takde jugak msg kau.

takpe, purapura tgk jam.

lambatnya jam 11.

punch out. sharp jam 11.

balik dapatkan katil.

tgk phone, ah takde msg kau.

takpe, purapura dgr lagu.

kosongnya perut.

tertido dgn perut lapar.

alarm berbunyi lagi.

pagipagi celik mata, tengok phone.

ah lupa, kau takkan msg aku lagi sejak kejadian tu

takpela, tgk jam, tgk tarikh. ouh off day lah hari ni.

bangun dr katil pegi bilik air. gosok gigi. mandi.

siapsiap pakai baju biase2 aje.

breakfast? tak payah lagi lah. tp perut kosong.

ah, kosong lagi jiwa ni.

online. alah, kau tak on9 lah.

klik nama kau. klik wall.

stalk.

dah puas hati baru klik pangkah.

mentari atas kepala, perut berbunyibunyi marah.

tgh hari kawan msg ajak pegi lunch.

tapi tak lunch. tak berselera.

sambung online lepas berbicara bahasa Tuhan sekejap.

tgk phone, ah takde jugak msg kau.

takpe, purapura tgk jam.

cepatnya waktu bergerak.

shutdown laptop.

landing renung siling.

tgk phone, ah takde msg kau.

takpe, purapura dgr lagu.

kosongnya perut.

tertido dgn perut lapar.

alarm berbunyi lagi dan lagi.

pagipagi celik mata, tengok phone.

ah lupa, kau takkan msg aku lagi sejak kejadian tu

takpela, tgk jam, tgk tarikh. ouh hari ni genap.

bangun dr katil pegi bilik air. gosok gigi. mandi.

siapsiap nak pergi kerja.

breakfast? tak payah lagi lah. tp perut kosong.

ah, kosong lagi jiwa ni.

punch card. eh, awal lagi.

masuk pintu ofis.

nganga.

sejam kemudian baru bergerak.

mentari atas kepala, tapi tolak jugak troli tu.

tgh hari kawan msg ajak pegi lunch.

tapi tak lunch. tak berselera.

sambung kerja lepas berbicara bahasa Tuhan sekejap.

tgk phone, ah takde jugak msg kau.

takpe, purapura tgk jam.

lambatnya jam 5.

punch out. sharp jam 5.

balik dapatkan katil.

tgk phone, ah takde msg kau lagi.

takpe, purapura dgr lagu.

berhenti berharap.

tertido sambil pegang phone.

menunggu ayat2 yang sama utk hari esok pula.

takkan ada msg kau lagi. takkan.

Day 9

"awat ang ni, duk menung? menung dah sampai mane?"

"melaka"

letih. sudah sudahlah.

beri sedikit waktu, agar ku terbiasa bernafas tanpamu

yeah, I'm okay

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gonna be OK

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming, don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings, but that's the path
I believe in
And if you didn't notice boy you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gonna be OK

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is fine without you
Yes, I will